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Mental Health Mental Health Basics

A Time to Grieve

While the death of a loved one is an inevitable part of life, grief and bereavement are rarely discussed openly. People experiencing grief often feel like they’re not recovering quickly enough, and friends of the bereaved are often uncomfortable and unsure of how to best help.

It’s important to recognize that grief has both physical and emotional ramifications, and that people have to make an extra effort to take care of themselves during periods of mourning. Although rare, depression and other adjustment disorders can sometimes develop out of grief. Dr. Carol Hunt Ott, a certified grief counselor and an assistant professor in the School of Nursing at the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee, has conducted a number of studies on grief and bereavement. Below, Ott offers guidance on coping with the death of a loved one, as well as advice for friends and family.

What is the difference between grief and bereavement?
Grief is an emotional reaction to a significant loss. People can go through grief if they experience a loss of a body part, through surgery or an accident, or the loss of a job. “But I think generally we look at the term ‘grief’ more as related to the death of a significant person,” says Ott.

The word "bereaved" refers to someone who’s experienced a loss, and then the period of time that they’re in grief is usually referred to as bereavement.

What are the emotions that someone usually experiences right after the death of a loved one?
Reacting to the death of a loved one is a total body experience. The initial emotions may involve shock and numbness, intense sadness, anger and bitterness. Behavioral reactions may include crying, social withdrawal and fatigue. People may find themselves preoccupied with thoughts of the deceased and unable to concentrate. They may even have physical symptoms such as loss of appetite and sleep disturbances.

Does the type of death affect how someone reacts usually?
The sudden death is more of a shock; it can take people a while to come to accept that the death has really happened before they actually start grieving. When death is sudden, people don’t have time to prepare, but when it takes a long time, it can be a very difficult experience for people to see their loved one wasting away. “However, in a study of bereaved spouses that I did a few years ago, after two years, it didn’t make a difference whether the death was sudden or anticipated,” says Ott.

Reactions are more difficult when the death is a result of a terrible accident, or somebody’s been murdered. When somebody is murdered, for example, people’s assumptions about the world are totally violated. So this adds another dimension to their grief.

Are there different stages of grieving?
First there’s denial, then there’s anger, then bargaining, then depression and then acceptance.

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